I just stumbled upon this 1970 excerpt from Art Buchwald...and while omitting the concluding sentence with reason, I like the symbolism.
In the beginning God created Man, which, according to all the latest birth control statistics, was a big mistake.Have a good weekend.
And Man said, "Let there be light," and there was light, and Man called this light fire, and at first it was used to warm him and let him cook his food and protect him from the wild animals. But Man discovered fire could be used to burn down a forest or burn someone else's hut or tree house or a witch at the stake or soft coal or oil, which made the air turn dark gray and black. And this made Man start to cough and his eyes to run and his sinuses to hurt. And Man finally said. "God, what are You doing to me?"
And after God made the rivers and lakes and streams and oceans, Man dumped all the refuse from the earth into the waters, and it killed the fish and the plants and even the oxygen, and the waters turned muddy and brown and smelled, and no one could drink from them or bathe in them or even sail on them. And finally Man shook his fist at the heavens and said, "For God's sake, knock it off."
And Man created the wheel, and this was good because Man no longer had to walk through the forests or up and down the mountains or to school. And then Man created the engine which turned the wheels, and Man no longer had to depend on animals to pull him on the roads and paths. And Man called the new creature automobile, and it changed the face of the earth, for Man was forced to cut down the trees and flowers and pour concrete on the land to accommodate the automobile, and drill into the earth and the sea to fuel it, and sometimes the ocean turned black and the air turned brown, and as the automobile multiplied there was less space to park it, and it was unable to move any faster than a horse, and Man behind the wheel screamed, "Good God, am I ever going to get home?"
And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate and the disposable bottle, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy his food all in one place and he could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And pretty soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles, and there was nowhere left to sit down or to walk. And Man shook his head and cried, "Look at all this God-awful litter."
And Man learned to split the atom, and then he took what he learned and he put it in a bomb to defend himself from other men, and he set off the bomb to see if it would work, and it did. And Man was very pleased with himself because he was safe from other men, and this was good. But other men learned to split the atom, too, and they put it in their bombs, and so Man had to make bigger bombs, and the other men had to make bigger bombs, and the explosions put radioactive material in the air which got into Man's food and water and made that which was nourishing inedible and that which would quench thirst undrinkable. And again Man became very frightened and said, "God help us all."
